January 10, 2016

The pregnancy thing.

Hello again.

I am currently 24 weeks pregnant and still trying to get used to the situation. Showing more and more since 18/19 weeks , even though I can still hide it when wearing wide sweaters.

So, I always wondered how I would deal with this pregnancy thing. I am a rather independent spirit and for a long time I didn't even want kids . Only since I met my husband, who adores children I felt that I could actually have a family one day. Because I know he will be my rock in this situation and because I know he was born to be a dad and will be able to deal with everything, even when I am not. When reading other blogs I often envisioned the family we'd have one day and just hoped it would be as flawless and apparently full of joy as pictured by these bloggers.

While it remains to be seen if this will be the case, I can already wholeheartedly say that I don't particularly enjoy being pregnant. And I am by no means having a difficult pregnancy, I barely had morning sickness and felt pretty good throughout the whole thing so far. But I have 2 jobs , work more than 50 hours a week and have to get up 2 or 3 times at night to pee. I sleep 4 or 5 hours on average and I am constantly tired, and by tired I mean exhausted. I can't go running anymore (makes me feel really uncomfortable and I am trying to listen to my body). After sitting in the office all day long, my belly hurts pretty badly in the evening. Not to mention I can't eat some of my favorite foods (way harder than not drinking, which I can manage). Now, the baby started to move quite a lot and the kicks are getting so strong it is starting to be quite uncomfortable. I guess all of this happens to every pregnant woman, and it probably depends from the mindset how you handle it.

My mindset is focused on work, I also love to exercise and I am quite frankly uncomfortable with the changes going on in my body. Does this mean I hate my baby? Of course not, I can't wait for it to come out. But I could do very well without the 10 months prior to birth. While I think it is wonderful when women can enjoy every moment of pregnancy I don't, and the pregnancy hormones don't make it easier.  Feeling ragey in one moment and teary in the next.

The worst thing is that everybody seems to think that I should be overjoyed. Whoever I meet tells me that these are supposed to be the happiest moments of my life and how amazing it is that there is a human being growing inside me. And they seem to be personally offended when I tell them that indeed, pregnancy sucks for me.

It's just not for everyone I guess, but big news: it is ok not to love it. Cheers to all moms who have been through this multiple times, I admire you!

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