October 28, 2014

Little Regrets - on feeling insufficient

Non, je ne regrette rien ... Or so sang the great Edit Piaf . I do have many little or not so little regrets. And I don't know about you, but they haunt me. Especially in some quiet moments. It is like they hide while I am busy and happy and when I am sad , and especially at night they come out of hiding. One of my biggest regrets is certainly that I am not always what you would call a really driven person. Looking back I didn't to badly in the last years, but I just know I could have done better. I feel that some persons just have the energy and ambition to say "I have come this far, but I know that with an extra effort I can get further" and I am not like this. I always work as much as I have to to but sometimes I wish I'd make more extra efforts.

My dad for example is from a  family who had to start all over again after they lost everything in the second world war. He and his brothers and parents lived in a one room apartment until he was 15 or 16, and they had to do hard physical work from a young age on. He received several scholarships and finally studied at Harvard and the MIT. Such an example for a really hard worker. My mom also grew up in post war Germany with her mother (her father had died when she was a baby). Back then emancipation was not what it is today, and her mom didn't allow her to get the degree she needed to go to university. So my mom gave in and pursued the life she was expected to live. Including an early marriage. Well, years later she would divorce and use all her saving to go back to high school, get that degree, go to university and study psychology. Just another example for somebody who never gave up.

And here am I. I didn't have any of the problems and hardships my parents went through. And I feel I didn't use my potential and the great possibilities I was given. I know I did OK, but I just didn't do anything extraordinary. However, I also think that we are all different. What worked for my mom or dad doesn't have to work for me. I think we all give our best when we are doing something that we are really passionate about. Maybe we have to keep moving until we find something that we love, that we are good at and that makes us want to give everything. Also, recognizing the problems is the first step to finding a solution. Nothing impedes me to just work harder on everything from now on. Meanwhile, we should not forget the little things we can do every day to leave a positive foot print. Make time to help our colleague with that important report. Go to the supermarket and buy the ingredients for a special meal to surprise our loved ones. Call someone we haven't talked to in a long time. Excel at being a good person  <3

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